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Performance Bike Store

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Performance Bike Store
By Don TRUE - Copyright © 1994 - All Rights Reserved
I got to visit Chapel Hill last week. I was there on a business trip. Chapel Hill is the corporate headquarters of Performance, and their first retail store is located there. I just had to stop in and see what they had. As luck would have it, it was on the day of their annual Sidewalk Sale. I'd never seen such bargains! GoreTex Rain suits, $45. Front wheel with Dura Ace hub, $50. More handle bars than God ever thought possible, $15. And seats. Hundreds of seats, $12. Oh yea, rack after rack of the ugliest clothes that even mail order, at half price could never sell. I maxed out my Master card buying wheels, gloves, helmets, pumps, seats and a red and white Shimano Jersey. Which I liked so much, I promptly put it on, right after Performance verified my credit limit.As I waddled through the metal detector at the Raleigh Durham airport, heading back to Kansas, loaded down with three arm loads of biking parts, a Blackburn MP-1 Minipump fell out of my back pocket at the exact same time my titanium Flite Saddle must have set off the metal detector. As the alarms sounded and the red lights flashed, I reached down, picked up the Minipump by the handle, pointed it at the guard, to indicate that this must be what set off the alarm, I heard someone scream: "GUN!"
Then the old guy that guarded the metal detector, turned pure white and passed out. As he was going down he grabbed his chest and yelled: "Don't shoot me, I've a wife and grandkids!"
I was scared shitless! Some maniac with a gun was loose in this airport AND was on my flight! As I rapidly spun around to find the lunatic and run in the opposite direction, people started screaming and dropping to the floor. I dived for the deck right next to the comatose guard and lay there praying to Jesus that my life would be spared. The guard's radio began to crackle with Police and FBI agent radio traffic frantically calling in more backup.
"Possible International Japanese Terrorist at Gate 12. Male, Five-seven, 150 to 175 pounds; wearing red and white shirt with Japanese propaganda slogan on chest! Shoot anyone wearing Shimano Jersey, ask questions later!"
I missed my flight.......


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